Marketing Fail of the Day- Slogan Edition

The following is a list of Christian slogans/saying that need to die. If you I hear any Christians under the age of 65 say, think, or interject these into advertising, I swear I will slap them- You've been warned!

My commentary is in red :)

Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings. - or tylenol pm
Christians, keep the faith - but not from others! - okay that's just dumb sounding, really!
Don't wait for the hearse to take you to Church. - fear... that'll get 'em!
God answers knee-mail.- I bet a grandpa who doesn't own a computer made this up

It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees.- that is actually true and helpful if your someone who frequently walks around on your knees
Prevent truth decay. Read your Bible.- I think I've seen this on every fundemental baptist church sign I've ever read.
Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!- And just when we began to convince people that we are interested in them and not their money- thanks for setting the Church back several hundred years!

"What part of 'THOU SHALT NOT' don't you understand?" // "Have you read my #1 best seller? There's going to be a test." // "We need to talk" // "Let's meet at my house Sunday, before the game" // "C'mon over and bring the kids" // "Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer" // "Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage" // "You think it's hot here?" // "Don't make me come down there" - God
I just put all the God Speaks stuff together- seriously, just stop with this. It's over (waaaay over).

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.- yes question nothing, just do what we say and be mindless freaks

Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.- You might be a redneck if......

Forbidden fruits create many jams.- I think my Grandma once told me this except I think she said they make the sweetest jams.

Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.- Yes, God is laughing at you, not with you

If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.- So if I'm 'born again' I can be blonder, skinnier, and maybe even a dude? No thanks, I'll just accept the way God made me the first time around.

Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.- So they have a good 401(k) or what?

Turn Life's Cares into Prayers.- said the needlepoint on the nursing home wall