Beauty Vs. Sexuality- a female response

This is a response to this article from relevant : "Beauty vs. sexuality". Read it and this post will make more sense :)

This week Relevant Magazine's most popular online article is "Beauty vs. Sexuality". It's a great article outlining the the christian discussion surrounding beauty, lust, and our responsibilities.

As a woman in ministry the balance between modesty and the desire to look good is a constant battle. Often times I have felt shame and pressure over this issue and I'm sure many other women have too. The concept of modesty doesn't bother me but the definition of modesty is constantly changing based on who you're talking to. I like that the article points out that the strong focus on this shames both men and women. Being that ministry is largely male dominated, there is little thought given by most pastors on how these discussion affect the women they serve with.

An inside joke amongst me and my close friends is my scarf collection. I have a ridiculous amount of scarves. I love my collection but it didn't start out of an obscene love of scarves. It started out of shame and self-conscious. I wasn't raised in church, so I had no real concept of this discussion of modesty before I started leading worship many years ago. I just showed up in average girl clothes- ya know jeans, flowy shirts, tank tops (non spaghetti strap, of course), skirts, whatever. I gave very little thought to my clothing because for me, it just wasn't about that. It was about worship and I wanted to look like me. Not long into things, a male friend of mine in ministry sat me down and made a short but clear comment about the inappropriateness of a shirt I was wearing. I don't really remember the shirt but it wasn't anything crazy low cut or belly-bearing. I just stood there with my mouth gaping open, because I had no idea how to respond. This was a person I respected very much, so I politely nodded and went home to cry.

I didn't understand why it hurt me so much. I mean, it's just a shirt, right? Well, from that point on I began to examine my wardrobe very closely and I carefully mulled over what was acceptable for me to wear around the church. That's where the scarves started. How can I put this delicately.....hmmmm.... OK, I am not a small woman on top. I've really always been self conscious about it, but this incident really pushed me over the edge. It's difficult when a woman is "blessed" in that way to find shirts that fit properly, thus the scarf obsession. I learned that I could where almost anything, throw a scarf on and be good to go.

Over the years that level of worry and feeling like I'm responsible if a man lusts after me has mostly left because I began to realize the idiocy of the concept. (however, my massive scarf collection remains) As the article points out, we really are putting guys down by believing that they can't appreciate a woman's beauty without wanting to jump her bones. Furthermore, if we believe that only men are prone to lusting after the opposite sex, we are all kidding ourselves. Example: If you go to any youth retreat, the rules will typically dictate that appropriate swimwear for girls is a one-piece bathing suit. I have no problem with that rule, because. let's face it, teenage boys are, well teenage boys. The hypocrisy s that the boys can walk around in nothing more than shorts, because the concept is that girls are unaffected by that kind of visual stimulation. Well, as a former teenage girl, as a woman, and as someone who has had many discussions with women about lust, let me tell you that concept is crap. Women have to work just as hard to keep lustful thoughts away as the guys do. Maybe we are less prone to acting on them, but we fight the battle too.

So what's the answer? I would say grace and understanding. We all struggle with many things. It's part of living in a broken world. Lust is just one of those things and yet we bring it front and center like it's the cause of all our problems. The solution to lust, like many solutions to our sin issues, begins with us. Before we go pointing fingers or placing blame on one gender or another, we should do some careful self-examination. The more we allow God to work on our hearts, the less our hearts are prone to wander.

Ouch!

For reasons I cannot explain, every year, January kinda sucks for me. I get all fired up for the start of a new year, get my list of things I want to change, and BOOM! By January 10th, I'm wishing I had a time travel device so I could go back to a more hopeful, simpler time before all the New Year's crappola began.

2012 has been no exception to my New Year's Curse. The year started off with my mom breaking her hip at my house while I was away in Atlanta. Then all kinds of ministry changes and movement without a lot of explanation, and then my car breaks down- all of this before January 8th! So I'm sitting around my house this week feeling pretty blue and fearful of what else is gonna happen, and the Holy Spirit brings me a vision of soil in a field that has been freshly tilled. Now, I don't know a lot about farming........ actually, I don't really know anything about farming! However, I do remember how farms looked in Indiana (where I once lived) right before they were getting ready to plant things. They were muddy, overgrown with weeds, and just plain inhabitable. Every year, they would have to be tilled before farmers cold grow anything. Being that I'm not a farmer, I found it interesting that God would bring me such an image but the more I think about the more it makes sense.

Maybe January is the time of year when God has to prep me so he can plant things and they can take root. Why? Heck, I don't know!

He digs deep to remove all the hurts and baggage of the year before so he can cultivate something new. It feels painful and makes me feel dry and barren but it's really good for me in the end.

So, today I feel hopeful and welcoming of this time refurbishment. I look barren on the outside but it's just because I'm waiting for God to plant something new in me!

So I encourage you not to run away from God in those times when you feel turned inside-out, but run to Him and be encouraged that he won't abandon you. Trust him that he always has a plan to bring blessings and good things to your life!

"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
   if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath."

Psalm 34:18 MSG

I'm Sorry, Did I Offend You?

Very recently I made the choice to start a blog (which you are reading!) I didn't know if anyone would ever read it, but it sounded like a fun way to pass the time. Shortly after I started, I began my 'Marketing Fails of the Day' which are geared to improve the quality and relevancy of Church media. The blog's popularity began to rise rapidly as did my understanding of humanity. I have been blessed to receive a lot of feedback over these pieces, some good, some bad, and some very, very ugly. This last week as I was being chastised for my colorful, yet generationally appropriate language, I began to wonder.....

Why are we (Christians) so very sensitive? I mean seemingly so much more sensitive than the rest of the world?

Go ahead and jump

It's no secret that I love photography. Ever since I first stepped into a dark room in high school I have been in love with the entire art form. (yes as in a real dark room where we developed real film- gosh I'm getting old!)

I always dreamt of doing something more with my passion but it never felt like the right time until now. You see I never found my niche in photography until I had kids. It's having kids and photographing them throughout the years that made me realize where my real passion lies. Capturing families and children has become something that I truly love to do, so I've decided to take the leap and begin my own photography business. I've decided to call it Upward Photography (yes totally jacking the name of this blog) and I will focus on providing creative, modern and affordable family and lifestyle photography.

If you know me personally, this is not a shock. I have been bouncing this around for years and if you have kids I've probably taken pictures of them but it wasn't until recently that I finally had the confidence to make the leap. I have no clue where this will lead me but I know it's what I need to be doing.

So be on the lookout in the next week as I launch my website, FB page, and start marketing, and by all means, help me spread the word!

Take It All

Well these last few months have been crazy to say the least. Year after year I'm learning that the only thing I can depend on is God and as soon as I begin to depend on anything else, He has no problem turning my world on end to remind me of that.

Yes, life has been very hard over the last few months but this blog isn't to drone on about what's been going wrong- it's to celebrate what has come out of it all. Years ago I was listening to someone read a little devotional book. To this day I don't remember which one but I do remember what he said.

Stop the Bleeding.......

"We’re called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world to stop the bleeding" ~ Don Miller

This last week was a hard one. My daughter's best friend lost her mother to suicide- the daughter is only 6. I've been spending the better part of this last week helping her and her dad sort through some of the grief and questions that come with such a tragic loss.

How do you make sense of such a senseless tragedy?

Googling through life

Back in the olden days of the internet- ya know like around 1999ish, I used search engines for school and typically to look up encyclopedia-type stuff. I used to log on to Dogpile (10 points if you remember that site) and type in president names so I could write some lame report and that was pretty much the extent of my search engine usage.

However, I find myself now typing everything in to Google. I have this handy little tool bar and it's like it beckons me: "ask me anything. I will give you the answer". Like most people I freely will ask Google about anything from my kids fevers to what tv I should buy, but today I was wondering if we take things to far? And by "we", I mean "me".

Adventures in Kid's Ministry!

If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be responsible for running a children's ministry I probably would've laughed and not given a second thought. Yet, here I am working at an awesome church doing just that. 

For those of you who know me personally, this probably came as an odd pairing. Of course, I love kids but I've never thought of myself as being one of those "Ms. Lippy" (ya know from Billy Madison) types who could handle masses of children with ease. So I stuck to the areas I knew; music, production, media, etc.

However, the opportunity came along to do this and against all reason, I felt that God definitely wanted me to do it so I did, and I'm so glad I did.

Here's what I've learned (so far):

A Road Less Traveled

I've been thinking a lot lately about my walk with God. You see I always thought that it would get easier as I grew in my relationship with God, but here I am more than 10 years in and I'm realizing that might never be the case.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life with God, but it's not always easy. Sure coming to Jesus and getting 'saved' was pretty easy and it was designed to be, but the journey, while full of immeasurable treasures, is not so simple. The older I get the more convinced I become that the journey isn't supposed to be easy, especially if you're in ministry.

Attention Deficit Disaster? Part 2- The Edison Trait

Did you know that by age six Thomas Edison managed to burn down the family barn? During his early years, he suffered illness and hearing loss, but even so he was a talkative child who used to annoy adults with his constant questions. Despite his high I.Q., one teacher called him "addled," which meant "confused or stupid." He attended three different schools between the ages of seven to nine,  and none of his teachers had the patience to deal with his apparent inability to sit still, his lack of focus on the matter at hand, and his talkativeness. After his mother was told he was "unteachable" she decided to home school him. She let him learn freely and even set up experiments in the basement. Her husband thought he was dull but she believed he was special and continued teaching him.

Attention Deficit Disaster?

You know how it is: You're in a meeting or having coffee with a friends and you start talking about one thing and before you know it your conversation ends up in another world completely and you have no idea how. Then you laugh and say "Wait what were talking about? We are so ADD!" My friends and I joke about this all the time. The only kicker is that I actually do have ADD.

Most of my friends don't know that about me. When I say it they assume it's a joke, because I don't really match up to what people think ADD looks like. Most people think of hyper, sugared-up children who can't sit still, but the truth is that most people with ADD/ADHD don't look like that at all. As a matter of fact I would argue that it's not really a disorder at all. Most of the truly troubled children who exhibit ADD/ADHD are actually suffering from other behavioral disorders and/or learning challenges.

The Perfect Mom....

I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember. Most of my friends went through a phase in their teens or twenties when they were totally turned off to the idea of having kids, but I never did. Even as a teen I fantasized about being a mom. So, it's no surprise to me that I'm 28 and already have two kids.

My first was Elise (2/25/05). I was so excited to become a first-time mom, but as much as I love my daughter I found motherhood to be a difficult venture for a girl in her early 20's.

A question I can't answer.....

What is worship? Somehow I always get asked this question and I seriously hate answering that question.

*sigh*

I know, I know. I'm a worship leader and so I'm supposed to have this completely epic answer, but the truth is when I get asked that question I usually stand there with my mouth gaping open until some generic answer I heard at some conference or read in a book falls out of my mouth.

humanity to divinity

The other day I was commenting on a blog over at Revolution115 and I said: "God takes our ordinary humanity and infuses it with His extraordinary divinity". It was one of those statements that made me pause and think. I have to give credit to God for it, because I really am not smart enough to say something that profound on my own. It stuck in my head and as I began to chew on it, I decided I should try to expound on it.

Think about all the people you know from the Bible, even if you don't know their whole story or even their whole name. I would bet you that person was really nobody special at first. Look at people like Moses, David, Paul, Mary, or any of the Apostles. All regular people. Some of them were even considered evil by our standards. So, why do we remember them? The simple answer is that we remember them because of what God did with/through them, not really for any reasons that have to do with the person.

Yeah, I'm divorced....... Part 2

I thought that filing for divorce would be the hardest thing, but I was wrong. The toughest times were yet to come.

For any you contemplating divorce. Let me say this: Try everything and if the marriage is really broken, just prepare yourself. As bad as your marriage may be, the pain that follows a divorce will be a thousand times worse. It is usually short-lived, but make no mistake, the pain is immense.

So, here I was 23 and already getting divorced. I felt like a failure. I felt like I failed my friends, my daughter, and even God. I had no idea what to do or where to turn. I tried to talk to my christian friends, but I was met with a sense of shame and disapproval.

Yeah, I'm divorced....... Part 1

Divorce- oh, my! This is one of those issues that I've always wanted to talk about but I'm scared to talk about. However, I feel that I need to talk about it now. After all, how will the stigma surrounding divorced people ever fall away if we don't talk about it? Even though this story is the short version- I still had to divide it in two parts. Divorce is a complicated beast and I wanted to really do justice to the issue and honestly portray my personal experiences.

So, here's my story- the short version: When I was 18, I became a Christian. I am a highly emotional person, I would say that my choice to follow Christ was more of an emotional decision. The real growth and relationship happened slowly over time (but that's another post).

One is the Loneliest Number

This was hard for me to write. I like to observe and discuss things that happen around me, but I'm not a big fan of discussing my own problems. I just felt really strongly when I woke up this morning that some of you out there may be wrestling with this issue of loneliness. I'm not really writing this to say "woes me, I'm so lonely", but instead I feel compelled to write it for those of you out there in the same boat. As I work through this, maybe it'll help you work through it and know that you're not alone in feeling how you feel.

I've never really been one of those people who has a ton of friends. I don't have 60 people who call me when I'm down. I don't really ever go out with people other than my husband. I have very few people who really know me on a personal level. Is that by choice? No, not really. It just is. It's been like that for many years, but I never really thought much about. As I get a little older, I'm beginning to think more about my connections with others.

"My Precious"

OK so I'll admit it, I'm a total geek. Today as I was reading the Bible (Matthew) I started thinking about the Lord of the Rings, and not just because it was a kick-ass movie. I was reading in Matthew 6:19-21:

¹⁹"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I know most of us have heard this verse in some interpretation many times. As I read it today I kept thinking of Gollum. More specifically how much I can be like him at times. Yeah, I am more attractive on my exterior, and I can speak in coherent sentences, but there are days when I become just as rank and nasty on the inside. Don't we all?

Jesus knew this. He knew that we would want to follow Him and do well, but at the same time the forces of evil are constantly pressuring us and luring us into a prison of our own selfishness. It doesn't matter whether you're a Christian or not, we are all subject to this torment at times.

We begin to think that our lives depend on superficial things. By doing this we misplace our faith. We stop placing our faith in God and instead we place it in something else like money, appearance, sex, status, jobs, etc. Then our mind, energy, and heart goes into securing and replicating whatever that is. Are you starting to see the danger here?

There is nothing wrong with having money, looking nice, or even sex (within God's standards), but none of them should rule our lives or dictate our day. Our thoughts should not be monopolized with getting 'more' like a crack addict looking for his next hit.

I live on the beach, so I am in sand all the time, and let me tell you it's not stable. If you scoop up some sand and try to squeeze it, you will quickly find it slipping between your fingers- the tighter you grip; the more you lose. That's what happens when we try to hold tight to our treasures. The things that may seem important are really just powdery sand- it's fun, smooth, and feels good between your toes, but it's not good for much more. God is a rock or better yet a mountain. You can hold him as tight as you need- He will never crumble, never move, and never fail.

What is your "Precious"?

Just call me Jonah........

So here I am on a Sunday afternoon. My girls are napping, husband is working, and it's just me and God. Do you ever feel like you're avoiding God, and you can't quite figure out why? Kinda like Jonah, where you don't really want to or think you can do what God wants you to, and easiest thing to do is simply avoid God. Like Jonah, we learn the hard way that there is no avoiding God. Fortunately, I've not yet been thrown overboard and swallowed by a giant fish. Instead, a constant drawing, this feeling of being pressed and squeezed.

All my life I have struggled with confidence on the deepest level, and up until now, my Father has pretty much let me get away with it, but now I feel it changing.

I'm not going to get deep into anything, but after years of working at it, I still feel inadequate to do the things that God has called me to do. Have you been there? I just keep telling God, well, let me get better at this, let me practice longer, I'm not ready to lead anyone or I can't do [fill in blank]. Usually God extends grace and lets me walk down the road at a glacial pace that makes me comfortable, but not now, not in this season. God is pushing and like an idiot I like to dig my heels into the ground.

I think many of us go through things like this at some point, but I have to say, I've never felt so fearful or overwhelmed. So I wonder, why? Why do we feel this way when God is pushing us to that next level?

Well, here are my why's. For you they may be different:

1. The unknown- when God has to push us, it's usually because we won't go on our own and that is usually because it's something new. We fear what we don't know and what we can't predict.

2. Control- as much as I think I don't mind God having control over my life, in times like these, I find that my humanity creeps in and I do mind. Even as I grow up in my faith, I still have so many "well, just let me drive" moments with God. I mean don't we all?

3. The enemy- Our ever present foe who loves to undermine whatever God is trying to do. He wants to convince us that we can't, shouldn't, or that we will fail.

4. Doubt- I don't doubt God, but sometimes I struggle with being sure of what God is telling me. I will hear God and then doubt creeps in and I think, "well, was that really God or was that what I wanted to hear?" Deep down, I know God when I hear Him, but I still struggle with doubt. Being that I don't have a lot of close friends to weigh things out with, it can be hard to get the confirmation that my mind sometimes needs, even when my spirit already knows it's true.

I know this post is a bit self-indulgent and not widely helpful, sorry 'bout that. The truth is that I don't really have any answers about it. I just keep praying and trying to be obedient even when it makes me uncomfortable. I really don't think I can do these things that I feel led to do, but I do know that God won't set me up to fail, so if I trust Him, then I have to try and trust that He will make up for what I am lacking.

I know that when I get to where ever the heck it is God wants to take me, I will look back and say, "This is awesome, what was I whining about?"

Beautiful, Beautiful

I was listening to a song today called "Beautiful, Beautiful" and it really made me reflect on God's grace. The opening words in the chorus are: "Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful, beautiful" And it just made me think about how endless my failures are and how endless God's grace is. I know we all have failures, but I always feel like my past is so much more shady than that of my peers.

10 years ago, I was just some 17 girl. I was hurting and lost. I was addicted to drugs such as meth, cocaine, ecstasy, whatever I could find really. I wasn't so much addicted to the drugs chemically as emotionally. I used them to deal with my social and romantic pains and the shame of my sex life and emotionally abusive boyfriend. I knew about God, but never felt like I could be into that type of stuff. About 9 years ago, God went to work. I was set free from problems I didn't even know I had and God began to show me what I am worth to Him. I grew slowly over the next several years. Then I went through a really difficult divorce. I won't retell that story here. If you want, you can read my posts: Yeah I'm Divorced- Part 1 & Part 2.

I felt like that lost 17 yr old again. I felt so unworthy to even go to church, let alone approach God. It wasn't long before God went to work again, showing me how He sees me. Showing me that I could never make Him not want me. Sometimes, I think we are harder on ourselves than God will ever be. I know this is true for me. I can sit for hours and self evaluate my actions. What I've learned is that God approaches things so very differently.

God is fully aware of our condition. He knows we will mess up many things, big and small. Yet, He chooses to stick by us anyhow.

There are times in my life when I feel like I've just messed up too much. Like God is gonna say, "Well, that was the last straw! You're on your own kid!" - I actually think that sometimes. However, I'm beginning to notice a pattern......

I constantly screw things up, like everyday, and yet, God has never so much as shaken His head in disappointment at me. I've been broken in some of the most deep and painful ways a person can be broken in and yet I always seem to come out with out so much as a scratch. As a matter of fact, I always seem to come out looking better than before.

That my friends, is Grace.

No matter what we do, no matter how far we go off the path, God is right there with open arms ready to accept us and change us with His grace, mercy and love. Where we see mistakes, God sees opportunity. Where we see failure, God sees potential. If I had a perfect or even normal life, I would not be who I am. It's the friction of my life that has shaped me into who I need to be in God's Kingdom, so I can do what He has for me to do.

There are still days when I feel regret and get overwhelmed but the inevitable backlash of my failures. However, I am always reminded of Romans 5:3-5:

³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope."

I have suffered, some caused by my own hand and some not, but I know that God doesn't want us to dwell in it. He wants us to look at our sufferings as opportunities and see the hope we have in Him. He will use our brokenness, both past and present, to recreate us into something better.

We have all failed, but God doesn't see that when He looks at us. God doesn't see what we are, He sees who we will be. We can try to mess things up a hundred times and He will never stop believing in us. I think we too often forget that God is love and love never fails. Don't ever feel ashamed to run to God. He is for us. Even when we walk away He never stops believing in us. He never stops wanting the best for his children.

I look at my life today and the direction God is taking me. It overwhelms me with joy and humility. He really has made my life beautiful before Him and it's not because I'm "super special", it's only because He loves me. It's a humbling thought.

How about you? Do you struggle with this? How do you work it out?