My first was Elise (2/25/05). I was so excited to become a first-time mom, but as much as I love my daughter I found motherhood to be a difficult venture for a girl in her early 20's.
It was an isolating experience which I didn't expect. Soon after, and very unexpectadly, I was preggers with Ariana (3/28/07). My life-plan of having all my kids before I hit thirty was nearly complete! However, I neglected to recognize the flaw in my plan: middle-class, urban-type moms in their 20's are few and far between- especially in Indiana where I lived at the time.
I felt very torn as I adjusted to life with two kids. I wanted to be a good mom and do all the mommy stuff (playdates, soccer, mommy and me classes, etc), but I wanted to still be...well.... 'me'. For those of you who don't know me personally, I would describe myself as quirky, creative, outspoken, and maybe a tiny bit eccentric :) Suddenly I had entered a world where people drove mini-vans, wore khakis, and had few interests outside their kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with those things, but that's definitely not me and the more I tried to fit in with my mommy counter-parts the more lost and unhappy I felt. I really didn't know any moms like me. Most moms I met lived in the suburbs, were in their thirties, liked to wear tracksuits, and quite frankly they annoyed the crap out of me. Example: Have you seen the pediasure commercial where the kids are playing soccer and the one mom says something like "Does jimmy (or whatever the name was) look a little run down to you?" and the other mom says in an all-knowing tone "Well, kids are what they eat". Every time I see that commercial I want to slap that mom. She's so snobby and judgemental. If someone said that to me in real life I might punch them in the face!
Anyhow- that's an example of the moms I kept meeting, and I definitely couldn't hang with them.
So, what's a girl to do? At first I decided to just be alone, but that's really not the answer. God calls us to be in community with each other and I feel this is especially important for parents. For me, the answer was just accepting who I am and be happy with how God created me. You may not feel like you fit in with people but realizing that almost everyone feels that way from time-to-time really helps. We are all different, and yes, some of us are different in louder, more obvious ways. It's all in how you work it.
So you're young, like skinny jeans, scene haircuts, and prefer Urban Outfitters over the Gap? You can be all that and still be a good mom. Luckily America's vision of the perfect family is changing. It's our generation of moms that will redefine mommyhood. Regardless of what we think, there's no one right way to be a mom. There will always be those moms who think otherwise and aren't afraid to vocalize it, but I say- screw 'em. For each one of those moms there 10 moms who will love you for you. God made me and he made my kids and we are a perfect match. They are just as weird and quirky as their mom ;-P
How about you? Do you think you've been able to find the balance between "me" and "mommy"?
Before we were parents, Ken & I always said that our children would join OUR lives & not the other way around. As much as we love our kids and yes, they did change our lives, they didn't change who we were. Yes, we did change our schedule and our spending habits (we did have to buy diapers) but we were still...us. We were still the people that liked to go out on dates. Yes (gasp) even when Ethan was an infant! Our children were never always the entire topic of every conversation at all gatherings. We still had lives. Just expanded ones. I think it's something that lots of people forget and will be shockingly reminded of when their children are gone & they're left to refigure out who they are.
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