Helping when it hurts

There's a great book called "When Helping Hurts". It's about how we, as christians, help people. To sumarize it poorly, it talks about how sometimes our wonderful intentions can end up creating dependancy and actually hurt the very people we seek to help in the long term. It's a good book to read if you're someone involved in missions- local or otherwise.

Recent events have really made me think about this concept but, not in terms of the needy we help. What about those that do the helping? There is a fine line between being generous and being taken advantage of. Sometimes the line dissappears altogether and those two qualities become intermingled and morph into something unhealthy. These things become even blurrier when we consider what the Bible says about giving. The Bible talks countless times about living generously and being willing to part with whatever we have.

I've always been the kind of girl that would give now and think later. I really can't help myself and it's a trait I've had forever. When I was a little girl if my friend didn't have a barbie, I'd give them my favorite one. If I saw an abandon bird, I'd sneak it into my room even if I knew it was surely not going to survive. As an adult I'm no different. If my friend needs money, I'll give them my last $5. If someone is without a home, I'll give them the run of mine. For whatever reason, I'd rather give a hungry person my last bowl of rice and starve than watch someone suffer from hunger. Now I know this all sounds very heroic, but I don't think it is. Really, I have never given any of this much thought until recently.

While I know this isn't a "bad" trait, life is teaching me that this can be a harmful trait especially when laced with over trust and innocence. Over the course of the last few years especially, I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of, cheated, deceived, and flat out mistreated all out of my own desire to help people. My husband has pointed out to me many times that I am a totally sucker, basically. I don't say no. I always trust people, even after they give me reason not to. And I am drawn to people and situations that suck me dry like a moth to the proverbial flame.

I like giving everything away, but I don't to like feel abused and abandon after I've given it all. I don't like where I am at today, feeling disenchanted and disconnected.

I know I'm sounding bitter, but I'm not or at least I don't want to be. I just wonder who helps the helpers? I can honestly say that I've rarely experienced times of need when someone has really helped me or my family in a tangible way. Of course, God ALWAYS comes through, but it's usually by something crazy miraculous.

Maybe I just need more people in my life who are like me and my hubby or maybe we just need to guard ourselves and look out for ourselves better. Maybe this is just part of sacrifice? I really REALLY don't know. I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts- please no cheesy, text book answers ;)

Bad blogger

I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I've really been busy with so many changes in life. New job, new pregnancy, and lots of interesting challenges. But I have been missing my little outlet. I don't often get to say exactly what I think, and so I really like having a place to write down all the randomness that passes through my brain and the few helpful tidbits I might have picked up along the way.

So, I've missed you sweet online outlet and I'm looking forward to our happy reunion :)